Weakness won the battle. Now, for the war.

The procrastination is strong with this one.

In this particular post I am supposed to write about my strengths. The thing is, I don’t feel like I’ve got any. Okay, hear me out. I am writing this almost two months after I was supposed to. I can’t put that I’m organized or good at school work because well. I don’t want to lie to anyone. I can’t tell you that I’m good at writing because if you haven’t noticed over the last 2 minutes, I’m not. I don’t really have any talents besides just kind of being there. I am good for people to keep around because I serve a purpose. I help people around the house with random and mundane tasks, I show up to work so others don’t have to, I guess the only thing that I’m good at is not being able to say no.

Strengths? None here pal…

I used to think that I could help others find their way with their talents. My friend from one of my previous posts is a musician, a damn fine one, and I told him several different ways to harness his passion and his ability and to be successful. He did not take the advice. Another person I tried to help is good at photoshop. I told her to freelance and to charge people that need their selfies perfected. The advice, again, wasn’t taken. I thought that maybe if I can’t find value in myself at least I can find things that others can do. While they can still do the things, they do not know how enviable the things that they do are. I want someone to come along and tell me like I’ve told them what they’re good at and help me capitalize. But, at the same time, I won’t believe them. I will continue to search for my strengths but I sincerely don’t think that I’ll find them any time soon. If I do, I’ll sing it from the rooftops… Or not because singing isn’t my strength.

Finding my strength in my struggle.

Is it bad that most of my strengths that I could think of were actually weaknesses? I struggled a lot over the summer with my self worth to be completely honest with you and this blog post isn’t really helping. I really wish that I could sit here and tell you that I’m a good friend, that I eat a balanced diet, can stay on top of my homework and still make it to work every day. But, I can’t. In fact, of the list of things that I listed I am only currently trying to have a balanced diet. It’s not that I DON’T want to find my strengths, believe me, I DO. But I just can’t. I think that I have to appreciate myself before I can actually look into myself and find things that are good.

Confidence wanted. Apply within.

Throughout this I know that it sounds like I just want people to compliment me or acknowledge me but I don’t really want that. Honestly. Like I’ve said before, I will not believe anyone when they tell me that I have a particular strength. The conversation will go like this:

John Doe – “Derrick, aw man your working your ass off. Be proud of yourself! You’re working, doing school, you have a healthy relationship with people AND you are living healthy! WOW!”

Me – “I work three days a week. I’m failing school. My wife can only hear me bitch so much. I have to so I don’t kill myself with food.”

Quite literally the same conversation I’ve had with a person. Not even a joke.

One day there’ll be hope. Just not today.

Okay, so I know that throughout the grim and dreary post that this has been, throwing positive thoughts in will be a refresher and welcome so here goes. This bout of weakness will pass. I know it will because it’s happened before and if anything is true in my life, it’s consistency.




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